Having a resignation conversation is one of the most stressful parts of changing firms. In our several decades of advising attorneys through the resignation process, we have developed a method to help you avoid common landmines and make your departure as professional and cordial as possible.
To help you prepare for your conversation, let's talk about an overarching goal and two simple guidelines. The overarching goal is this: avoid burning bridges.
In tough conversations like this, emotions run high on all sides. You are, essentially, breaking up with your law firm, and breakups are never fun. Of course it will be emotional. You don't want to hurt anyone's feelings, and your partners may take it personally (more on this later). So, keeping an overarching goal in mind is crucial — avoid burning bridges. You want to focus on keeping it professional rather than emotional.
To do this, we have two simple guidelines to follow throughout the conversation:
Have a thankful heart.
Keep it short and sweet.
We'll take these one at a time.
Thankful Heart
It's very hard to be spiteful toward someone who is expressing their thanks to you. But you shouldn't fake it — we recommend you think back and express real gratitude for the opportunities, kindness, experience, and relationships you've been given at the firm. This is how you should start, "First of all, I just wanted to say how grateful I am for my time here and all the kindness I've been shown. You have given me so much, and I couldn't be more thankful for the experience."
Short and Sweet
Some people think it's rude to be short and sweet, and think they need to justify themselves and repair the relationship right away. They say things like, "Here's why I'm moving..." or, "Here's the opportunity that I couldn't turn down..." This is like trying to save a friendship in the same conversation in which you break up with someone. Resist the impulse. Here's why — every reason you give for leaving the firm will be taken personally as an attack even though you aren't attacking.
Some people think it's rude to be short and sweet, and think they need to justify themselves and repair the relationship right away.
For example, "the platform I’m moving to is just so undeniably better for my clients" will sound like, "this firm’s platform stinks." Or, you might say, "the firm I’m moving to offers so much support for client development," and they will hear, "you never helped me with client development."
Don't give your partners any more reason to be upset. Keep it short and sweet.
You can explain all the "why" questions in two or three weeks when the dust settles. Take your good friends to lunch and explain your decision, but do it after the initial shock has passed. Whatever you do, do not try to mend fences immediately. Your colleagues at your firm will be hurt initially; there is no way to avoid this. Often, time is the best healer. It's a mercy to rip the band-aid off all at once.
Here's what to say after expressing your thanks, "I wanted to meet you face to face to give you my professional notice." They'll ask why you are leaving. "This is not about you," you say, "this is about me and what’s best for my family. I'm just so grateful for my time here, and wanted to let you know that I'll be moving." Again, if they press you and ask you why, and if you tell them, every "why" will be like a slap in the face. Do not slap them repeatedly in the face by giving reasons why you are leaving. Back to the breakup metaphor — no one really wants to hear why someone is breaking up with them.
They'll ask what firm you are moving to. We recommend not giving the name of the firm, or, if you do, making sure to keep it short and sweet. Say, "I want to meet up in two or three weeks for coffee to talk about the firm I'm going to and what lead me to this decision." You do not want to give them the chance to bad-mouth your new firm in their emotional state, and you want to bring the conversation to a close as soon as possible.
To review
Don't burn any bridges by keeping it professional rather than emotional. Do this by having a thankful heart and by keeping it short and sweet.
Now, you should know at this point that when you go to resign, your firm will try to convince you to stay. Most partners we work with do not believe that their firm will resort to any of these tactics, but each one of them does in one form or another. And if they use all of them, you can expect them in the following order.
The first thing to expect is a bribe.
Your firm will offer you more money to stay. How can we be so sure? Because law firms are smart. They should cut a $100,000 check to keep you — that just covers the finder's fee they will need to pay a headhunter to replace you. We have seen law firms offer candidates promotions, to double their salary, or to reduce their hours. If more money can convince you to stay, before you think about resigning you should ask for a raise. We are happy to consult you how to best do that. But when you resign and your firm offers you the bribe, you would be a fool to take it.
Think of it this way: If my spouse holds a gun to my head and asks for a new car, I will get him or her one without question. But what has that done to our relationship? If you offer your resignation and then take a counter-offer, you have done permanent damage to the relationship that cannot be repaired. 80% of attorneys who take a counter-offer are gone from their firm within 6-12 months, because money is only the band-aid covering deeper issues, and the damage has been done to the relationship. You never want to resort to blackmail.
The best way to respond is to cut them off before they make an offer. Because, if they make an offer and you refuse it, that's another slap in the face! Say, "Listen, I'm not here to get more money. This is not about you, it's about me. I love you guys, but this is something I have to do. It's something I've already committed to."
The second thing to expect is guilt.
You will get some form of a good, old-fashioned guilt-trip. "After all we've been through together," they'll say, "after all the ways we have helped you grow your practice, after all the opportunities and experiences we've given you — how could you do this to us? We took a chance on you, and this is how you repay us?"
Your mindset is important here. Before you have the conversation with your partners, you need to have made up your mind whether you are wanting to do what is best for your old firm, or what is best for you and your family. If you would like to do what is best for your old firm, then you should stay there! But, of course, you should do what is best for your family and career. If your old firm really cares most about you and your family, they will be happy for you. Unfortunately, we find this isn’t always initially the case.
Another common way firms use guilt to keep partners is this one, “You know we are busy right now, just give us 60 days to wrap things up with the client.” This guilt trip tugs at your noble desire to be considerate to your previous firm. The gist is, “How could you leave us in a lurch?” (If they can get you to give them a little time, of course, they have the chance to siphon off some of your clients.)
Respond to guilt by reiterating your thankful heart and keeping it short and sweet. Circumvent the guilt-trip by saying, "I couldn't be more grateful for my time here. It's not about you, it's about me. This is something I’ve decided is best for me and my family, and I just wanted to thank you and to give you my professional notice."
The third thing to expect is a threat.
Jim, one partner we worked with, had a great relationship with his partners. He could not believe that his firm would resort to threatening — in fact, he assured us this would not happen — but he could not have been more wrong. When Jim announced his resignation, one of his partners got very angry, said that Jim’s decision to leave for his new firm was career suicide, and yelled at him to get the hell out of his office. Jim was escorted from the building that day.
Hopefully nothing so dramatic will happen to you, but we have seen threats of all shapes and sizes.
When your partners hear where you are going, they’ll say, “Oh, not that firm. Anywhere but there — if you go there you can say goodbye to your career.” They will talk bad about wherever you are going, saying things like, “I heard that group is about to lose a bunch of people…” or, “That firm is historically bad at how it treats partners…”
The way to respond to a threat is to stop the conversation before it gets started. Remember, you don't want to burn any bridges, and you are trying to make this unavoidably painful process as short and sweet as possible. If you don't tear the band-aid off only once, you'll have to do it a couple more times! Simply hold up your hand (like a crossing guard) to stop the person from talking and say, "I am not here to get anything from you; I simply wanted to tell you how thankful I am and to give you my professional notice. My mind is made up. I look forward to working with you in the future."
Throughout the conversation, you need to be the adult in the room. You have to exhibit the emotional maturity to keep it professional, thankful, short and sweet. If you have this mindset and follow these guidelines, you have a good chance of getting through the resignation process without burning many bridges.
One last thing — remember the partner who was escorted from the building? This doesn't usually happen, but you should be prepared for all contingencies.
Before you resign, make sure you have an email cued up to go out to all your main clients that says you are resigning from your current firm and gives your contact information at your new firm. Immediately after your resignation conversation, hit send on that email.* That way, even if you are locked out of your email, your laptop is taken away, and you are told not to reach out to your clients (which happens, even if it isn't ethical), you maintain contact with them. In the coming week, you can follow up with a call to your main clients to explain how you will be able to continue to serve them at your new firm.
Resigning is breaking up — never a fun prospect, but sometimes the best and necessary option.
*Before taking this step, make sure you are abiding by your partnership agreement.
Compass Law Group is a legal search firm that has been helping partners and groups make lateral moves for more than two decades. Our specialty is mergers and new office openings for AMLAW 200 firms. Please feel free to contact us if we can consult you or your firm in the areas of retention, legacy-planning, strategic growth, or talent acquisition.